Redefining Self
After a meditation session that left me with an epiphany this morning, I find myself examining the very things that define Me.
In retrospect, the epiphany feels a bit like a “duh” moment: I very suddenly realized that a core belief, for lack of a better word, that has always been a part of me (but I knew wasn’t normal, or at least, common) was due to something that happened in my childhood. It seems obvious now to link the two together, but I just had never done it before. It was a very simple thing; a very essential thing. It kind of turned my concept of self over on its side for me to get a good, long look at the undercarriage.
When such a basic thing is examined thusly, you begin to question everything else. If this central item can be changed, what can’t be changed?
That’s the “rabbit hole” I find myself in this morning. Taking a good, long look at seemingly fixed aspects and seeing if they, too, can’t be shifted around and examined, and if warranted, changed. I’m not even sure that I’m going to change the original concept that was the subject of the epiphany this morning, but now I at least know it’s possible.
As a general rule, I like to think of myself as open to change, discussion, and debate. I have in the past changed my stance on say, political issues or even religious issues. I’ve never understood why it was bad for a politician to be branded a “flip-flopper”: I would rather have someone who could, when presented with new information, change their mind and/or admit they were wrong, where warranted. Being a stubborn idiot in the face of contrasting evidence, to me, is not a leadership skill.
But like anyone, I guess, there were certain things central to my definition of Self that I had always just accepted, and not really inspected closely. They always felt like immovable objects, unchangeable facts. They felt as unquestionable as, say, my race or the fact that my first language is English. I can learn all the other languages I want to, but my native tongue will always be English: that’s just the way it is.
To discover that these assumptions about Self aren’t always as immoveable as they may seem is rather… weight-lifting. In the sense that, I needn’t burden myself with them anymore if I don’t want to. I’m purging on so many levels in my life, it’s ridiculous (in a wonderful way); I had no idea it could go even deeper than it already had. But of course, it makes perfect sense now that it did: I find myself opening up to the idea that we are more than the sum total of our experiences here on Earth in this lifetime. We are Spirit. We are so much bigger and greater and more amazing than we can possibly frame in terms we can relate to. It’s like mathematicians trying to explain to the rest of us the idea of some insane number like 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. What frame of reference can we possibly use to understand the scope of a quantity that large?
I have been limiting myself by thinking of myself in such small terms. We all do. I, the wild-imagination, über-verbose writer chick do not have sufficient vocabulary to describe what we are. No language on Earth has the capacity to do so. When we open our minds to the larger existence, we are still only seeing a sliver of the true potential of life.
So, join me. Reexamine the very basic tenets of Who You Are. Question the ones that seem unquestionable. Turn over the ones that seem immoveable. And maybe we’ll begin to understand, at least a tiny bit, what Self truly Is.
The Happiness Manifesto Blog 
I love it, Wren! It’s so weird to find out that who we are is a product of who we have always thought we are! Is there even a line between the familiar and the true? Thank you for this blog, it gave me chills! ❤
Such a delight to see this in writing. I too recently found myself in a strange place of realizing that a failed relationship was not what I was afraid of, but a successful one. I chose a simple thing I thought, to become that very Love. This was the beginning of quite a trip.
This trip is as simple as asking a courageous question… Take a look you have many in your life.
The presence of an ad below the entry made me smirk, I confess. The great thaumaturgical effort of our age, to turn our minds and inner eyes away from knowledge of our true selves, still hard at work. I suppose the advantage to those who seek genuine self-revelation is that the mages in charge of this vapid nonsense have, as generally happens, been hoodwinked by their own devices.
*loving me some magickal irony* 😉
Ah, I don’t see any ads on my blog – I didn’t know there were any.
Good to know, I guess. I thought that only happened when you activated them (which I haven’t). I guess it’s just a matter of my adblock doing a good job. 😉
Hi Wren, you don’t know me. I am Becky’s mom. I read this from a post she had on face book. What you describe is exactly what has been rolling around in my head for the past month. I am 57 and still don’t know who the *!^# I am. But I am getting there. That I and all of us are utterly and absolutely amazing is starting to form a solid foundation in my core. Thanks for your blog. I will be reading it!
Lisa
Thanks for your comment, Lisa! I think age is rather relative when it comes to self-discovery – we do it our whole lives, and in no particular order. I think what is really helping me to form that solid foundation you speak of, is reading more and more about Quantum Physics (there are some great books for explaining it to the not-Sheldon-Cooper crowd – my favorite being “Quantum Physics, Near Death Experiences, Eternal Consciousness, Religion, and the Human Soul” by William Bray. I’m only about 1/3 of the way through it so far; it’s a dense read I take in snippets. But I love it – I read a snippet and then let the information simmer for days), and also reading various “new thought” authors (think Rhonda Byrne – “The Secret”, or even “What The Bleep Do We Know?!” the movie). There are so many people from so many different walks of life and even eras that all found the same thing to be true: we are far more amazing than we often think ourselves to be, and the power lies in knowing it! I’m listening to a Dani Johnson recording right now, who so far is saying the same thing from a very Christian perspective, which to me just confirms the universal truth of it all, no matter what your belief system (or lack thereof) is.
Thanks for the suggestions. I am looking forward to delving into them! I have never read anything about quantum physics, but have always been intrigued by the idea. I will let you know how it goes.
Please do! 🙂