The Happiness Manifesto Blog

How I Beat the Living Hell Out of Suffering and Made It My Bitch

Subconscious Little Viruses

Today, the Universe saw fit to rip open an old wound for debridement, sans anesthetic.  As I sit here with my soul still throbbing from the procedure, I am unsure as to the prognosis.  There was an awful lot of damaged spirit.  Perhaps I should apply leeches.

There is some point when you keep getting smacked with the same message over and over again, you just want to grab God by the shoulders and scream, “I don’t understand!  Try telling me another way, already!”  It’s like when you’re playing Pictionary, and someone draws something that no one can guess what it’s supposed to be; rather than draw more, they just keep pointing at what they already drew, as if pointing at it again will suddenly make it a better drawing.  You want to yell at them to draw something else because obviously that’s not getting the message across, right?  You know you do.  Sometimes the Universe is a crappy Pictionary player.

So that’s the type of message I’ve been dealing with.  It’s either the most toxic, messed-up, I don’t want to live in this Universe kind of message, or I’m just not understanding what it’s trying to get across to me.  As I spent many years operating under the belief of the former and that got me nowhere, I’ve come to believe it’s got to be the latter.  But God just keeps pointing at that same drawing again and again.

Today, I stared down into that gaping wound and saw exactly what it had been doing to my insides.  But I still don’t understand the message.  I would really, really like the Universe to just draw something else.

I understand what subconscious thoughts and beliefs it gave birth to within me.  I understand how those subconscious little viruses ate away at my spirit.  But I still don’t understand what the message was supposed to be that got lost in translation.

Perhaps God is better at charades.



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2 thoughts on “Subconscious Little Viruses

  1. Your description of the universe as a crappy pictionary player is AMAZING! I have felt that way so many times. I find that when I’m trying to figure out the messages that don’t make any sense, but keep on manifesting in the same way, I drive myself batty. Ususally, when I decide to ignore the symptoms and grow in other areas, an answer comes out of the blue. Of course, sometimes it takes months to years to get these “revelations” and they often come from unexpected sources. What I do is to try not to focus on the “problem that needs to be fixed” and keep diving into the experiences that come with as much enthusiasm and love as I can muster. You will get your answers! And now I have something to make me laugh when the god-universe-source-thing pisses me off 🙂 xo

  2. I have found that, too – sometimes the “aha” moment comes completely out of the blue, when you weren’t thinking of the issue in the first place, but there it is. The reason why this was on my mind was not because the message was reinforced, but because I had enough of an “aha” moment to see how I had interpreted it, and internalized that (incorrect) message in a damaging-to-myself way. So I picked out the dead tissue of negativity, but had nothing yet to replace it with. 😉

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